My Dear Mallu Community

Mallus
I had always wanted to write about this interesting community I belong to. Every community has its own pits and falls. We are gifted with many.

We have opinions. Everyone in Kerala has an opinion. Educated, Illiterate, Elite, poor, every one. They have an opinion on doing something and not doing something. Some thing on economy something on war. Something so weird that Kerala shut itself down when Saddam Hussein was hanged. Possibly the only protest sign in the whole world.

We have two leading political groups in Kerala. Left and Right. And each one has some 100 small groups. So you have a Left with about a 100 small left group with their own opinions. Some groups so small that its active political membership count is just one. But still it will remain as a separate group.

A mallu ardently believes that his is the right opinion. He thinks rest of the opinions are junk. It does not stop there. As he believes he has the right opinion he is busy convincing the next guy to accept his opinion. We would have been one of the richest nations if they were paying to watch us argue.

We gossip. We gossip so much that people travel long distances to share gossips. Kill the telephones it has reduced our travel. But we still travel to share juicy gossips. The right effect comes only if shared in person.

We have maximum interest in current affairs. Kerala is one of the few states in India to boast 100% literacy. So everyone reads. Reading newspapers, listening to news in radio, watching TV news bulletin is more than a pastime activity. It is as important as a meal.

Back home, in the times when TV was not there, I remember one of my neighbours who do not buy newspaper and borrow it from others for reading. The news paper readers include 2 (20+) sons and their father. They do not borrow the paper daily (it does not look good to go and ask for paper everyday) and so they borrow like once in a fortnight. They borrow all the papers that had come out that fortnight. Their reading starts somewhere towards the evening and about midnight you will hear loud cries from the women folks of the house. "Help us, Roy is killin Joy" or "Father is killing the son". All the big fights normally start over a news paper article and as arguments hardens the fist fight starts. It was such a regular feature that everyone stopped lending newspapers to them. It sounds hilarious now but when it was happening it was really sad.

We are little fanfare driven. We do weird things to sustain attention. I have a neighbour who plays hindi songs very loud whenever we are visiting our parents. He cannot speak/understand a word of hindi. But then it is important that we know he has those songs in stock. The only problem usually is his "super hit" collection is off time lines by a few years.

We have wierd Social expectations. Until recently no mallu will visit a family where someone is dead until invited. Fortunately it is changing. Attend one of our marriage function to see how much active we are socially. The mad rush is usually for a lunch table. Once we get the table there is a mad rush to finish off the food and rush out soon. Nobody bothers to meet the bride and groom. The best part is the video photographers ensures that everyone is covered afterall someone would complain later that he did not get food.

This another one that comes to my mind on weird social expectation. We had a very small function in our neighborhood. A childs 28th. It is a small function when you name the child and tie a small thread around the waist. You usually call available close relatives. The max crowd size is 20. They had a big problem once the function was over. One of their brother in laws who lives abroad had raised a major stink about not being invited in a function which even if they wished he could not have attended.

We just do not understand privacy. In mallu land your neighbor has almost the same right on you as you would have. Well this could be a little exaggerated but it is almost so. I remember a friend telling me this. He was building a house. Because it is in construction phase they erected huge enclosures around and covered it all so that no one from outside gets disturbed. It also avoids dust and mud from flying over to the other side. The temporary cover was pretty big and hence anyone wanting to peep inside from outside to have a look is just denied of that. You cannot see as what is happening inside. It seems some 30 people got together, signed in a petition to the local council stating that their neighbor does not trust them and is doing something out of their sight. The local council obviously acted.


We are more than passionate about our jobs. So most of us end up arguing and fighting with most of our colleagues. The best to share would be the private bus fights in Kerala. Each bus is allocated a time to leave the main stop (about 5 mins gap) and each bus tries overtaking the bus that left early to make sure he can pick up more passengers. Sometimes this leads to big fights with the commuters actively pitching in. The funny part is towards the end no one know what started what.

We believe have some staunch value systems. I have more than once witnessed some massive fights in bus over a 25p change (less than 1 cent). Technically that money has no value alone. You cannot even buy a glass of water with it. But it is the principles. The conductor owes him that and by not paying that back he is being cheated.


This is not the end of it. There is more to come. Will keep posting.